There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
