dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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