Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
