Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Randomize