don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
