and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
