I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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