y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize
