it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Randomize
