i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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