she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
