I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
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