were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
