My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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