Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
