YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
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