I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Randomize
