So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
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