The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
