loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
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