her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
