have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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