I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Randomize
