i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
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