we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
