Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
When did angry sex become our thing?
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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