i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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