last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
