i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
