hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
