shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
This is classic penis vs brain.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
