do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
