..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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