from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
this will be a night to untag.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
