You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
