hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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