You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
