she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize
