Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Randomize
