I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
operation have a gay friend backfired
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Randomize
