just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Randomize
