All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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