I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Randomize
