omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
