Swine flu. Run for my life!
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Randomize
