I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Randomize