The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
COCAINE IS GR8
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
