dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Randomize
