I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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