Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
