True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
i out mim tonsoeep
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
