Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
