so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
