so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
