He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
