Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
