I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
