so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
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