please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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