He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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