the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
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