i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Randomize
