making cat noises will not fix the situation.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
