erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
