well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I am never drinking with the goths again.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Randomize
