never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize