The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Randomize
