ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
