I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize