Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Randomize
