I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Randomize
