I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
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