PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
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