sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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