____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
