Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
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